Losing your sex drive is a common side effect of antidepressants. Anywhere between 30 to 60 percent of people who take selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) as antidepressants experience “some form of… sexual dysfunction” from the treatment, studies say, and the effect is worse for women. According to research, 72 percent of women taking antidepressants report problems with sexual desire, with 83 percent having issues with sexual arousal and 42 percent experiencing difficulty having an orgasm.
For patients, the experience is jarring and scary. “It’s not like I’m not attracted to my partner anymore; nothing gets me going,” one person wrote in a Reddit thread. “Not porn, not erotic writing, nothing that usually worked works. I do feel slightly broken in a way.”
“I honestly feel disgusted and uncomfortable by the idea of sex, and even cuddling makes me want to crawl out of my skin sometimes,” another woman wrote. “I had a pretty high sex drive prior to the meds, so I feel like my body is betraying me and it’s also impacting my relationship.”
Losing your libido is stressful no matter your relationship status, whether you’ve been having sex regularly or once in a blue moon. But for people in relationships, the anxiety may be even worse if your partner is impacted by the shift. And on the flip side, partners may want to help without knowing how, or if they even should.
“I’ve… mentioned to [my girlfriend, who’s on an antidepressant] that I have needs and she told me she felt like I was guilt tripping her,” one person wrote on Reddit. “She told me it seems like sex is the most important thing to me in this relationship, which couldn’t be farther from the truth but I do want it to be a part of our relationship.”
It’s an issue with multiple layers: a caring partner won’t want to push for sex when it’s not wanted, but has their own needs that aren’t being met. Meanwhile, the partner on antidepressants may feel pressured to put sex above their mental health and wellbeing at a time when they most need to prioritize themselves.
Antidepressants, sex drive, and relationships can form a tangled web. So how exactly do you find your way out?
How antidepressants affect sex drive
SSRIs can impact sex drive due to their “mechanism of increasing serotonin levels in the brain,” Aliyah Moore, PhD, a certified sex therapist and relationship expert at SexualAlpha, tells SheKnows. “Although SSRIs are useful in treating mood disorders, their serotonin-boosting effects might upset the delicate neurotransmitter balance that is necessary for a sexual response,” Moore explains. “Arousal and sexual desire are frequently diminished as a result of this interference.”
Experiencing these changes is uniquely challenging, potentially leading to “feelings of inadequacy, frustration, or a loss of self-esteem,” Moore says. You might feel separated from your own sexuality, which for many people is “a crucial part of [your] identity and self-expression.”
Losing the desire to have sex while you’re in a relationship can be especially upsetting. “Many relationships depend heavily on sex and intimacy as a way to communicate love, build emotional ties, and enjoy mutual pleasure,” Moore says. “A decreased libido in one partner can result in misunderstandings, rejection sentiments, or concerns about the long-term health of the relationship from the other partner.” The result: a vicious cycle of tension around sexual activity of any kind, “which may result in avoidance behaviors and a further decline in intimacy.”
The other partner in the relationship may experience guilt for having sexual urges or feel hesitant to initiate sex out of concern about pressuring their partner. They may feel “lonely, frustrated, and hopeless about getting the sex they want, and even sexually rejected,” says Katie Ziskind, LMFT, certified sex therapist at Wisdom Within Counseling and Coaching. “Constant sexual rejection can be very challenging and lead to conflicts and massive disconnection within the relationship.”
Antidepressants and libido: navigating sex drive changes in a relationship
If antidepressants have impacted your sex drive, your first move is to talk to your doctor. “Such side effects are common,” Moore emphasized. “Your doctor can tell you whether the change in libido is likely due to the medicine and may recommend alternate treatments or changes to your present regimen.” Decreasing your dosage, taking “drug holidays” (stopping the medication for a period of time), or switching to another medication may improve libido without quitting antidepressants altogether, studies say. However, it’s crucial to talk to your doctor before implementing any of these changes; they can help you explore the best option for your body and go about it in a safe way.
It’s also possible that other factors are exacerbating the dip in your sexual desire. “Depression, anxiety, lifestyle, and relationships can all play a role in libido,” Moore says. A sex therapist or sexual health counselor can provide strategies for dealing with changes in libido and advice on maintaining a healthy sexual relationship.
And if you’re a partner to someone experiencing these changes, know that empathy is absolutely crucial. When a partner loses sex drive due to an antidepressant, it may trigger your own fears and insecurities, making you anxious about your relationship and whether your partner is still attracted to you. That’s why it’s important to remember that “your partner’s decreased libido is a side effect of their medicine rather than a reflection of their feelings for you,” Moore says.
Prioritize talking honestly and without bias, she adds. “Instead of putting pressure or assigning blame, encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling and show your own emotions in a helpful way.” You may also want to educate yourself on your partner’s medication and how it affects their desire for sex. “In the relationship, this comprehension can promote tolerance and empathy,” Moore explains. You can also see if your partner is interested in non-sexual forms of intimacy, like cuddling.
Creating intimacy without sex: tips from a sex therapist
If you or your partner are experiencing a low sex drive or other sexual side effects from antidepressants, try exploring “fresh ways of sexual connection that are not dependent on typical arousal patterns,” Moore suggests. “This could include focusing on emotional intimacy, sensual interaction, and non-genital pleasure.” In general, Ziskind says, “take the pressure off penetrative sex being the end goal.”
A few ways do that:
Sensate focus exercises. “This technique involves structured, gradual touch to different parts of the body without the goal of sexual arousal,” Moore explained. It’s designed to “increase awareness of bodily sensations and enhance the couple’s connection.” You can start with non-genital touch and, if you want, gradually progress to more intimate areas over time. This method can help you rediscover each other’s bodies in a “relaxed, non-judgmental” way, Moore says, allowing you to “reintroduce touch and intimacy into the relationship” while adjusting to libido changes.
Sexual check-ins. Simply put, these are “regular and intentional conversations between partners about their sexual relationships,” Moore says. This is a sacred time for you and your partner to talk about your desires, concerns, and needs without fear of judgment, helping you both find understanding and strength in the relationship. “The crucial factor is to approach these conversations with understanding, attentive listening, and a mutual desire for growth so that both partners feel validated and encouraged in their pursuit of sexual wellness,” Moore says.
Ramping up foreplay. If you and your partner are still mentally and emotionally interested in sex but struggling physically to get aroused, go all-in on foreplay, Ziskind says. If your partner has a vagina, support them with “at least 45-90 minutes of foreplay on various erogenous zones before touching the clitoral area,” she advises. “Many couples don’t spend enough time building desire, which is what foreplay does.” Increasing foreplay is a “key component in rebuilding desire and sexual connection,” Ziskind adds. She recommends focusing on “relaxing into the touch rather than trying to perform in any way.”
Schedule times to experiment. If you let go of any kind of “end goal” (like full penetration or orgasm) for sex, a lot of fun possibilities start to present themselves. Prioritize these times in your day. “Set up regular times to cuddle that don’t have to lead to sex,” Ziskind says. “Have times set up to shower naked and wash each other’s bodies. Give each other back rubs with coconut oil.” If you and your partner are up for it, you can also try sexual experiences that end with oral sex, rather than penetrative sex.
Masturbate. If the partner on antidepressants is able and wants to masturbate, this can be another way to promote intimacy within the relationship. “A person on antidepressants can practice regular masturbation and self-pleasure and then tell their partner about it, sharing the areas of their body that they like caressed, the type of pressure they like, and their sexual fantasies,” Ziskind explains. “Self-pleasure helps build an awareness of what you like in your own body, and then you can better communicate that in shared sexual experiences.”
Be kind to yourself — and your partner
Experiencing changes in sex drive is stressful and scary no matter what the situation, but especially when the changes are triggered by antidepressants. Throw a relationship in the mix, and you’re in a situation full of anxiety and insecurity. It makes patience, empathy, and constant communication all the more crucial.
The goal, Moore says, is to build a “holistic and adaptive approach to sexuality,” which requires “communication, an openness to new experiences, and a commitment to understanding and adjusting to each other’s needs” in the context of this mental health journey. It’s not easy, but love, compassion, and understanding can help you and your partner tackle this journey together.
Before you go, try these affordable mental health apps that actually work:
More Stories from Health & Wellness
Leave a Comment