Gift-giving is a classic holiday stressor that never goes away. Trying to find personal gifts for everyone on your list — gifts that say you care about them, gifts that harken back to a memorable time you have together, gifts they’ll use, at the very least — is no easy feat. However, there are a few rules of thumb that typically won’t lead you astray, like: Experiential gifts are always a good call. If all else fails, write out a heartfelt card. And, the cardinal rule: get a gift that makes the receiver, at least in some small way, feel special and loved.
That’s the rule a husband broke this year, according to a post from his partner on Reddit. The partner, or OP (Reddit-speak for original poster), took to the site’s Am I the Asshole forum for a second opinion after realizing that their gifts this Christmas were underwhelming, to say the least. At best, you could call them “household items,” at worst, tools for chores. Pro tip: gifting your partner a vacuum cleaner they didn’t ask for is a surefire way to show that you see them as a servant and not much else!
So what exactly were the gifts, and how did OP react when they found out about them? And of course, what did Reddit have to say about it all? (Spoiler: they don’t think OP’s the asshole.) Read on for the full story.
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“A Cooler and a Costco Membership”
Image Credit: urbazon/Getty Images “I have discovered that my Christmas gifts are going to be a vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, a cooler and a Costco membership,” OP begins the post, adding that they feel “hurt and angry” because they don’t think these are appropriate Christmas gifts. “It makes me feel like my only value is cooking, cleaning and running errands.”
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Ignoring Other Suggestions
Image Credit: kerkezz - stock.adobe.com Not only did OP’s husband buy gifts his partner wasn’t interested in, he also didn’t listen when others — namely, the couple’s kids — tried to guide him in the right direction. “The kids knew these gifts were off the mark,” OP explains, but “they were told that what I was receiving was ‘enough.'”
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A “Low-Effort and Thoughtless” Pattern
Image Credit: Monkey Business - stock.adobe.com “I am so upset that I don’t know how I can properly communicate why these gifts are low-effort and thoughtless,” OP writes. Turns out, this isn’t the first time their husband has pulled this kind of stunt, either. “For what it’s worth, the only gift he gave me last year was a candle, which he promptly moved to his home office,” OP says. “Even my stocking was empty.”
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Now the Husband’s Upset
Image Credit: Tetiana - stock.adobe.com When OP told their husband how disappointed they were with the items as they were delivered, their husband got “upset and said he would return everything, like I am ungrateful for wanting just one or two thoughtful gifts specifically for me.” OP was left hurt and confused, wondering if they’re the asshole for “not being thankful for what he is giving me.”
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Reddit Weighs In
Image Credit: Getty Images/Tetra images RF Reddit didn’t hesitate to assure OP that their husband is the one in the wrong. “Your husband is outright telling you that he thinks of you as a maid and not much more,” the top-voted comment said. “Gifts are supposed to be given out of love and affection and it’s clear the only thing he knows about you is that you (presumably) do the majority of the housework. You deserve better.” As a possibly “petty” retaliation, the commenter told OP to give their husband “a taste of his own medicine.” In other words, “Don’t fill his stocking this year and give him a candle that you later steal. See if he still doesn’t understand the problem then.”
Other commenters piled on to the idea. “I’d go all out and add toothpaste and deodorant to the list. Maybe a shared bathroom garbage pail,” one person said. Another suggested OP “take the candle from his office and regift it.” (OK, we laughed at that one.)
Another Redditor stated that “household items as gifts only work as gifts if they’re requested… or if the person actively likes the thing associated with them (eg: I gave my dad a cake pan one year bc he likes baking).” Otherwise, they said, it’s another way of saying that “the only thing you know about them is that they do chores.”
“These aren’t gifts,” another commenter agreed, “…They are items for the house that would be needed regardless. Your husband is being thoughtless and putting utility and ease above you, slapping wrapping paper on it and expecting you to be grateful. So sorry you’re married to someone this thoughtless.”
OP is definitely not the asshole in this instance, and we only hope this couple can have a long and honest conversation about what constitutes a “gift” in the future. Something the receiver actually wants would be a good place to start.
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