It can be fun to finish the build-up to Christmas with an Elf on the Shelf finale — something fun and super easy — without being over-the-top or requiring too much detailed execution. Because let’s be real: Parents have got enough going on Christmas Eve without worrying about an elaborate elf sendoff.

Looking for some quick and painless ways to say goodbye to the elf and give your kids one last holiday hunt for the little lad in red? Say no more. We’ve got you covered, so don’t feel like you’ve already burned through all the best elf ideas on the days leading up to Christmas. After all, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, so finish the year out with an Elf on the Shelf goodbye your kiddos will be sure to remember — and save the rest of these ideas for next year.

Christmas Eve Box

Have your elf give a final gift before heading home: a Christmas Eve box, filled with a holiday movie, popcorn, some Christmas PJs, and hot cocoa packets. The gift of a cozy evening with the family in front of the fire, watching a holiday movie — what could be a better goodbye?

Sneaky Sleeping Pic

Snap a sweet pic of your elf with your sleeping kids, and make that picture the background on your phone. When they wake up in the morning, tell them you discovered that your elf had gone back to the North Pole, but not before taking one last selfie. If you can get away with it without waking up your tots, perhaps your naughty elf can do one last prank and draw some mustaches on your sleeping angels. Maybe stick an elf hand up their nose. Just a suggestion.

Favorite Book

Have your elf leave behind a new Christmas book before he jets off to the North Pole, and your kids and you can read it together before bed. Leave a sweet message inside the front cover, and each year your kids will have a new literary treasure to add to their Christmas collection.

Tiny Tissues

Leave your elf in a pile of crumpled-up tissues to let your kids know that despite the smile painted on their elf’s face, this guy is actually heartbroken to have to go home.

Lights, Camera, Action

Leave a camera behind for your kiddos to document Christmas morning and send the photos to their elf; just put their elf’s name on an envelope with Grandma’s address (use a disposable camera so you don’t wind up with your phone’s camera roll full of 2,948 pictures of crumpled-up wrapping paper). Download this cute free printable elf goodbye letter at Eighteen25.

Elves Gone Wild

If you’ve got multiple elves and want to keep their departure lighthearted, leave a note for your kids saying that your elves have gotten a little out of control and needed to go back to the North Pole for a time-out before their Christmas duties. If your elves have been particularly naughty during the countdown to Christmas, the whole family can laugh fondly at memories of their antics — so there aren’t tears from the littles at the elves’ departure.

A version of this story was originally published in December 2019.

Well … wrong. Because just like us, kids can experience holiday stress — and all the moodiness that goes with it.

As it turns out, even when it comes to the holidays, too much of a good thing is still too much. And that can lead to your kid being surly, cranky, or whiny, with behavior that should probably land ’em right on the dreaded “naughty list”. Instead of threatening to call Santa, it’s time to step back and take a look at the possible stressors your kid could be facing. We asked the experts what could trigger your kid’s meltdowns, and how to make things easier for everyone involved.

The Disruption of Daily Routines

Even the most easygoing of kids are still creatures of habit — and some of them absolutely need routine to get by. But during the holidays, they’re off school, and maybe we’re off work. They’re sleeping in, going to bed at a different time, not doing what they usually do. And though it sounds glorious, it can actually prove to be a very big stressor for little ones.

Psychiatrist and mental health expert Dr. Ketan Parmar tells SheKnows, “During holidays, the routine is often disrupted. Kids used to a structured day might find the abrupt change unsettling.” He recommends trying to stick as closely to your kid’s normal routine as possible; they find predictability soothing. “This will provide structure and stability for children, minimizing the impact of schedule changes,” he says.

If you do have to change up your child’s routine — because sometimes it’s inevitable, especially if you’re traveling —  Leah Orchinik, PhD, a pediatric psychologist with Nemours Children’s Health, recommends letting your kids know what’s going to change ahead of time. “Ahead of big events or changes in schedules, caregivers can help kids adapt by communicating the plan and what to expect to everyone,” she advises. “When possible, stick to typical routines, such as a story time ritual before bed, even if you’re away from home.”

Overwhelming Events and Unfamiliar Faces

Holiday calendars fill up with unprecedented speed, and we drag our kids to events that are long and sometimes boring and full of people they don’t know. We spend most of their lives coaching them not to talk to strangers, but suddenly we’re asking them to hug a relative they haven’t seen since they were two weeks old. These events might happen during their usual naptime or around their typical bedtime — or they may have fallen asleep in the car on the way and then awoken to a chaotic and unfamiliar environment. It’s no wonder they’re not in the best of moods!

Licensed family therapist Kelly Oriard tells SheKnows, “Big parties can be overwhelming at times to little ones. This doesn’t mean you need to skip the fun altogether but consider having some downtime in between big, loud, or bright outings.” She also says parents should think about the interactions kids will be subjected to.

“As adults, many of us don’t stop to think about the unique social interactions that happen during the holidays,” she says. “From Aunt Julie asking for hugs and kisses, to protocol for opening gifts, young kids are sometimes at a loss for how to act. Prepping kids for what to expect can help them learn appropriate behaviors, and stepping in to help set boundaries can help empower kids to determine what interactions feel good to them.”

“For those more introverted, limit social gatherings’ length or have soothing activities on standby when they need to recharge,” adds clinical psychologist Dr. Daniel Glazer. “Help susceptible kids ease transitions with countdown warnings. Empower the anxious ones by mapping out what (and who) to expect at each celebration.”

Remember: not every holiday engagement is mandatory! We can (and should!) be very picky about what we say yes to this time of year, especially if our kids are struggling. And talking to them can go a long way; by getting their input on whether or not they want to go, and letting them help in the planning process, it may make them more comfortable.

Unrealistic Expectations

Of course, it’s every parent’s dream to have a well-behaved child who takes all these gatherings and interactions in stride and smiles politely and remembers their manners; not hiding their faces or doling out glares instead of grins. But setting our expectations too high — especially for kids who are feeling “thrown off” to begin with — is setting them up for failure.

“The pressure to participate in various holiday activities such as performances, gift exchanges, and socializing can be overwhelming for kids. They might feel the need to meet expectations or fear being judged,” says Dr. Parmar. “Set realistic expectations for your child during the holidays. Talk to them about any expected activities or events and assure them that it is okay if they do not want to participate in everything.”

Additionally, “Caregivers should aim to be realistic and know that sometimes it isn’t the right moment to take the perfect family holiday photo,” Dr. Orchinik tells SheKnows. “Keeping in mind the fact that kids, like adults, are allowed to have negative emotions and reactions, can help families adjust expectations as needed.”

Parental Pressure

Kids are like sponges — and if we’re stressed to the max, it’s going to trickle down to them. If there was ever a time to check our own responses to our children, it’s right now, when tensions can be at an all-time high. When we’re uptight, anxious, resentful, or feeling any negative way, our kids will pick up on it through the way we act. Much like we’re instructed on a flight to secure our own oxygen masks before helping anyone else, we need to make sure we’re in the best possible mental state, because we can’t help our kids if we’re barely functioning ourselves. Say no without a second thought to events and obligations you simply cannot handle, and schedule downtime the way you would schedule an appointment – that way it’s a priority.

“Burnout is not just about physical fatigue; it’s an emotional and mental exhaustion that comes from the constant pressure to create a perfect holiday experience for everyone else, often at the expense of their own well-being,” Dr. Alexander Alva, Psychiatrist & Medical Director of the Mental Health Center of San Diego, previously told SheKnows. “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and to recognize that managing everything single-handedly isn’t sustainable.”

Sugar Overload

We’d never advise taking a hard pass on all the sweet holiday goodies; that would practically be criminal, and Christmas comes but once a year. However, as any parents knows, sugar crashes are real — and dietary changes plus an overload of treats can equal cranky kiddos. Try to not only keep your kid’s meals on a reasonable schedule, but minimize overindulgence where you can by limiting them to a couple of their favorite treats per day — and only after mealtimes.

So if your kid is acting less than holly-jolly during what’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, anything on this list could be the culprit. As tempting as it is to just let our normal routines slide in favor of fun and frolic, it sometimes comes back to bite us when our kids are overloaded. It’s our job as parents to help give them some stability this holiday season, even if it means giving up on a few holiday traditions. Determine your “must-do” activities, and then make sure they’re balanced with regular routine and plenty of downtime. You might just be surprised at how quickly they’re back on the nice list!

There’s no doubt that Christmas Eve is one of the most exciting nights of the year for most children. The magic, the anticipation, the wonder — it all makes for the perfect evening.

To make Christmas Eve that much more special — and perhaps distract the kiddos from Santa’s impending visit — try creating some new traditions to add to the list of things the family looks forward to every year.

Here are some great places to start.

1. Christmas Eve pickle

This tradition is one that will tickle everyone. It’s German in origin, though no one seems to be exactly sure how it started. Basically the pickle-shaped ornament goes on the tree on Christmas Eve, and it’s hidden deep in the branches. Whichever kid finds it first in the morning gets an extra gift from Santa.

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2. Peppermint pig

Believing that pigs were good luck, the Victorians started this tradition. To make it your own, order a peppermint pig, then smash it after dinner. Share the candy around the table, and you’re said to have good luck for the rest of the year.

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3. Pajama elves

Christmas is a great time for cozy new pajamas, especially because the elves can deliver them on Christmas Eve. There’s even a book, The Pajama Elves by Hayden Edwards, that tells the tale of elves bringing magic pajamas that you can incorporate as well.

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4. Caroling

Gather a group, and go singing through your neighborhood, at a local nursing home or at a hospital. You will spread holiday cheer and tire out little ones who are amped up on sugar cookies and dreams.

5. Takeout

With all the hustle and bustle and preparation for the big day, sometimes ordering takeout or pizza from a favorite restaurant is a great way to take a little break and just enjoy some good food. Turn on your favorite holiday movie, and snuggle up.

6. Christmas key

Don’t have a chimney? No worries, just leave Santa a magic Christmas key. Hang it outside on Christmas Eve, and he’s sure to have no problem at all getting in and leaving gifts. If you don’t want to buy a fancy one, any regular old key will work.

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7. Reindeer food

While cookies and milk are good for Santa, don’t forget his trusty sleigh mates. Sprinkling this bird-friendly mix of ingredients from Eats Amazing will dazzle your kids and make the birds happy in the morning too. And if you’d rather have something tasty for yourself — er, Rudolph — to eat, this reindeer food recipe from Joy Food Sunshine is like Christmas puppy chow (or muddy buddies, whatever you want to call it!).

8. Track Santa

The NORAD Santa Tracker lets kids (and adults) track the Big Guy via Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and other means. Volunteers answer calls and emails from around the world to keep everyone informed just where in the world Santa is on the big night. And if you’re a Chat GPT Plus subscriber, there are several programs like this one, which allows you to track — and chat with — the jolly old elf himself.

Originally published November 2015. 

Recently, a slew of stars have claimed they aren’t including their children in their wills or otherwise leaving them fortunes when they die. After all, these stars worked hard for their money, and they expect their kids to make their own way in life — instead of just banking on mom or dad’s successes.

Many of these celebrities, such as Mila Kunis, Ashton Kutcher and Sting, don’t want to spoil their kids. Others, like Bill Gates, plan on leaving the vast majority of their fortune to charitable causes, while leaving only a small portion (relatively speaking, that is) to their offspring.

If this seems surprising to you, it is actually a pretty common move among high earners. A recent study by the financial website The Motley Fool of individuals worth at least $1 million found that 67 percent are worried about leaving too much money to their kids one day. The reason: Parents fear their children will not spend their money wisely or are concerned that inheritances would make their children lazy and unmotivated.

While it may seem harsh to cut children out of a will, these celebrity parents are doing so out of love. They want their children to grow up with a healthy view of money, a drive to work hard and achieve their own goals, and a heart for giving back to others less fortunate. It’s actually pretty noble if you think about it! Read more about these famous parents — and their reasons — for not leaving their kids a lifetime inheritance.

A version of this article was originally published in Nov 2021.

Yes, parents, it’s winter break already, which means we’re facing down the barrel of a week or two of unstructured time with our children in between the holidays. But never fear, we have come up with many activities to keep your kids (and you) entertained until school rescues us once more.

Some of us have the luxury of taking this holiday time off along with our children, which makes things a whole lot easier, but also still gives you great yawning blocks of time to fill. We hope you can spend some of the following days outdoors. Perhaps you might even play in the snow or participate in winter sports, like some idyllic children’s book. Maybe there are even places you can go for a change of scenery.

If weather and those pesky circulating microbes are keeping you indoors, though, we’ve got you covered. And if you’re one of us poor suckers still working while our kids are free to tug at our sleeves and demand snacks every five minutes, we have some ideas for you as well.

In many ways, we all should be pros at this whole juggling act of entertaining our children at home. But no one is ever a pro where our kids are concerned. They change; the things that used to thrill them get boring; their hungry minds need more to feed them than even those bottomless stomachs. So don’t feel bad if you’re feeling a bit intimidated by winter break. Flip through these suggestions with fresh eyes, and you may find the one thing (or 10) that will make everyone happy through the New Year. Whether it’s online art classes, baking kits, or interactive FaceTime games with Grandpa, there are activities to turn that yawning time into a beautiful memory.

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My family loves all things Christmas. However, as we grew from three people to six over a few short years, we quickly realized we couldn’t sustain the frantic holiday weeks. None of us were having a merry and bright holiday. We showed up at events to appease others, dragging our tired kids in, with a homemade dish and a stack of gifts in tow. This was all done in the name of tradition, not making spirits bright.

We hit a wall. My husband and I had long conversations about what to cut out — and why. We wanted to be home Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning, just us and our kids. We craved a laid-back Christmas, opening Santa gifts, wearing our pajamas, and having brunch. No hustle and bustle, no cranky kids … and, if we’re being real, no cranky adults, either.

We know we aren’t alone. Parents and kids tend to have the hardest time during the holidays, mainly because the season is completely out of routine. There’s a lot of sugar, a lot of overstimulation, and a whole lot of expectations. It’s no wonder that every year, most of us parents have a crash-and-burn moment (or two, or three, or more).

I have great news for you. This is your year — the year you put your foot down by creating some boundaries to ensure that your family’s holiday season is jolly. I know: you’re wondering, “How?” We checked in with Keicia Noelle Hare, a psychotherapist and speaker, for guidance. She gives us five steps to create boundaries — and a much happier, more peaceful holiday season.

Define ‘Boundaries’

We hear a whole lot of talk about boundaries, but what is a boundary? Hare tells us that boundaries are an essential part of self-care, self-love, and self-protection. Despite what you may believe, it’s important to understand that “healthy boundaries are not selfish; they are self-full.” Boundaries serve a few purposes, including protecting people and helping us be comfortable, happy, healthy, and safe. Boundaries aren’t weapons we use to threaten other people. Instead, boundaries are for ourselves — and our families.

When parents prioritize boundaries, we teach them to our kids, we respect each other’s boundaries, and we encourage our kids to create their own boundaries so they can be “strong, self-aware, and empowered.” Parents who don’t teach, create, and respect boundaries are setting their kids up to be vulnerable to unhealthy relationships and situations.

Sit Down with Your Nuclear Family

Hare says that first and foremost, there should be a good old-fashioned family meeting where all adults and kids in the home are included. She notes that including everyone sends an important message: “We respect you, we want to hear what you think and how you feel, and we are working out some rules to make you feel safe.” There are the deal-breakers that should be addressed, Hare tells us; non-negotiables like “politics, religion, sexism, racism, homophobia, creepiness, drunken behavior, forced physical contact, trauma-dumping.”

Then, she adds, families can move to conversations regarding gifting budgets, dietary needs, and “where you will spend the holiday and with what people.” Allow each person to share what they do and don’t like about past plans and traditions. Create a list of family holiday boundaries that respects all your nuclear family members’ needs and preferences.

Communicate with Extended Family

Here’s the hard part. Now that you have your family’s boundaries established, it’s time to communicate them with extended family. Hare advises texting or e-mailing your family’s boundaries well in advance of the holiday “to give people a chance to process.” Share that boundaries are mutually beneficial, “to make sure that everyone has a happy, peaceful, and relaxed holiday.” Remember, just because some family members are committed to causing drama or perpetuating negativity, chaos, and problems doesn’t mean your boundary isn’t valid. Some people have family members who deal with addiction, are narcissists, or are abusive — but even when these are absent, there are family members who can be rather stubborn about “this is the way things have always been, so why make changes?”

Don’t look at or approach boundaries as a negative. Empathetic family members are likely to understand and give you what you need. Toxic people, however, will try to “poke holes” in your boundaries, or exploit, manipulate, argue, shame, humiliate, or abuse you for having boundaries. When it comes to toxic people, Hare says, “Keep it short.” Clearly and concisely state what you will (or won’t) be doing, without explanation; no need to provide extra info that they can use against you.

Have a Game Plan

It’s important to note that you’ll need to be emotionally and mentally prepared for some people to disrespect your boundaries, even on the day of a holiday event. Don’t let this stop you from creating those boundaries and sticking to them. Instead, come up with a game plan for when someone pushes back.

If you’re hosting, Hare suggests, you can ask the problematic person to leave the celebration. Alternatively, you can suggest that the boundary-violating person take a “time out” to cool off and regulate. If you are elsewhere, say at an aunt’s home, you and your nuclear family have the option to leave. If there’s a “driving force” to boundary-breaking such as alcohol, agree to an alcohol-free event. If the person is a repeated boundary-violator, there’s always the option not to invite them. (Yep, that’s an option!)

Stay Strong

To be fair, it’s respectful of others to let them know your own plan in advance. If you need to leave the family gathering immediately following Christmas dinner, let the hosts know beforehand. If you won’t be present to participate in a tradition you’ve always participated in previously, give someone a heads up. You don’t have to offer your reasons. Whatever those reasons are, they are valid, and you don’t need approval or permission.

Change is always difficult, especially when a family holiday event has traditionally been done a particular way, at a particular time and date. However, our needs and tolerances change. We may have income restrictions, a child’s disabilities may make hours-on-end gift unwrapping difficult, or, to be honest, we may just not feel like lugging gifts (and kids) to the grandparents’ house at 7 o’clock on Christmas morning. Validate those boundaries, review them with your nuclear family, and then carry out those out with no apologies.

When it comes to the holidays and holding your boundaries, Hare encourages us to remember that “it is very important to be able to tolerate people’s discomfort.” Don’t cave just because someone is disgruntled. Your father-in-law might be furious that he’s not taking the kids to visit Santa this year — but those are his emotions to work through. Your job is to take care of yourself and your family, says Hare. Give boundary-making and boundary-enforcing a whirl this season, and then enjoy the peaceful, relaxed holiday that you and your family have yearned for.

Have a Consistent Bedtime and Naptime Routine

Do you shower or brush your teeth before you go to bed? Most of us have some type of routine before we go to sleep such as putting on pajamas and brushing your teeth. If you skip these steps, you might get into bed feeling like something is missing.

Children thrive on routines and predictability. Therefore, one of the best things you can do to keep your child’s sleep schedule on track during the holidays is make sure you have a consistent sleep routine established beforehand. 

If you have a consistent sleep routine for both bedtime and naptime (if your child still naps), they will know exactly what to expect. In some cases, as soon as the routine starts, a child’s eyes will droop and yawns will begin. 

A typical bedtime routine for children can include dimming the lights, changing into pajamas (including a clean diaper for babies), reading for 10 minutes, cuddling and saying prayers, turning off the lights, and getting in bed. Routines don’t have to be very long for babies (10 minutes should suffice) but tend to get longer as children get older (30-60 minutes). 

Introduce an Attachment Object or Lovey

An attachment object, also known as a lovey, is a perfect addition to your sleep routines. When the chaos of the holidays might increase anxiety, your child can grab hold of their lovey for reassurance. An attachment object is usually a favorite teddy bear, blanket, or toy. Some children even have an emotional attachment to a favorite book. While some children might alternate which object they sleep with, most children will start to sleep with the same item every day. This can help a lot during the holidays because if they can’t have you to hold as often, they can hold onto their lovey. This usually makes sleep much easier as they feel more secure. However, if your child is under a year old, the AAP recommends you NOT put anything in their sleep space until after their first birthday.

If your child is under one year of age, or if you’re having trouble getting them attached to a lovey, spend time with the lovey when it’s NOT sleep time and during your bedtime routine. For example, bring the lovey along for your soothing activity, such as reading with them on your lap. If they are holding the object, they might start to associate the soothing activity with the object. It can often take several weeks for them to become attached to their object, so don’t give up too soon! 

Adjust to Your Destination’s Time Zone ASAP

If you are traveling for the holidays, you might change time zones. Some people try to keep the schedule in their “home time zone” and this is a great idea if you’re only gone for a day or two. Usually, a trip that’s longer than two days doesn’t work out that well. Therefore, if your trip will be longer than two days, try to adjust to the new time zone at your destination as soon as possible. This will make your trip go a bit smoother and give you more time doing the fun activities!

Ignore the In-laws (and Maybe Your Own Mother!)

During the holidays, everyone wants to hold the baby or spend time with the children, of course! This is a great time for families to bond especially if you don’t see one another very often. However, this can wreak havoc with your child’s sleep schedule. Even putting them to bed 20 minutes late can lead to overtiredness, which leads to night waking, early waking, short naps, and not to mention irritability! So, when your family pleads with you to “Please keep the baby up a little longer. I never get to see them!” you might want to politely reply “I know and I appreciate that, but if they get off their sleep schedule, it will be so much harder for the rest of our stay.” Do everyone a favor and put the children to bed, so you can have your child wake up later (and happy) the next day!

The holidays can be a source of great happiness, but everyone is happier with adequate sleep. I hope these tips help you keep your children’s sleep schedule on track, so you can fully enjoy your family and friends this holiday season! 

Nicole Johnson is a married mother of two wonderful boys and owner of The Baby Sleep Site. When her eldest son was born, he had a lot of sleep problems – he would wake every one or two hours, all night long! She got busy and thoroughly researched literature and scientific reports until she became an expert in sleep methods, scheduling routines, baby developmental needs, and more. She overcame her son’s sleeping issues in a way that matched her own parenting style, and knew it was her mission to help other tired parents “find their child’s sleep”. If you have your own sleep issues, Nicole and her team at The Baby Sleep Site® can help! Download the popular free guide, 5 Ways To Help Your Child Sleep Through The Night, to get started today.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, child poverty doubled last year, putting it at 12.4%. These children and their families need donations to survive. For this reason — and countless others — I work diligently to instill humility and empathy in my children. We donate clothes quarterly, make monetary contributions to various charities regularly, and upcycle old, gently-used toys twice a year. 

Here are eleven ways you, too, can teach your kids to give back this holiday season — starting now.

1. Send cards to kids in hospitals or soldiers overseas

Being away from home is trying, but it can be particularly difficult during the holiday season. But a short, handwritten note or brightly colored drawing can liven someone’s mood and even alleviate their homesickness — so help your kids team up with your local hospital or the American Red Cross to create and send some cards. The ARC even has a Holiday for Heroes program that helps pair card-making kids with active service members, veterans and their families.

2. Make care packages to help feed and clothe the less fortunate

Canned food drives are common. From cardboard boxes in school lobbies to Sunday service collections, many organizations accept shelf-stable food year-round. But did you know those living in (or on the edge of) poverty need countless other essentials, including toothbrushes, toothpaste, tampons and pads, toilet paper, Band-Aids, and socks. So take your kiddo on a shopping spree and then create “care packages,” complete with a card or note. 

3. Collect gently used clothing items for donation

Are your closets and dressers overflowing? Have some garments gone unworn … or even still have the tags on them? Whatever the case may be, the holiday season is a great time for you and your kids to go through your pants, dresses, blouses, handbags and T-shirts and donate gently used items to area churches or shelters.

4. Play Santa through Operation Santa

Looking for a fun way to give back this Christmas season? Well, consider helping the big, jolly dude out. The USPS’s Operation Santa program connects less fortunate kids with deserving donors, who then help fulfill their wish list. Plus, your kids can get in on the action by helping to select (and shop for) a child or family in need, making them honorary elves. Hurry, because the deadline is close!

5. Bake sweets and treats for elderly neighbors and civil servants

Baking is a popular holiday pastime. So why not share the love? Bake up a few extra batches and give them out to elderly neighbors and/or civil servants.

6. Shop for (and give) gifts to children in need

Most of us know about Toys for Tots. The 76-year-old program has collected and distributed millions of toys to children in need. And while dropping items in collection bins is an amazing way to contribute to this cause, I personally like to let my littles shop, too. This way they can pick out something special and really feel like they are making a difference. You can also do this on a big scale, by donating through organizations like Toys for Tots, or on your local level. Many communities and churches rally around families struggling and have wish lists outlining what area children want and/or need. 

7. Have your kid clean out their toy box

Can’t afford to buy a new set of LEGO or LOL Surprise? Have your kids go through their own books, toy bins and games. Donating gently used toys can bring happiness to others and remind your own children how #blessed they may be.

8. Explore “micro-volunteering” opportunities

Another inexpensive way to give back this holiday season is to have your children spread love through micro-acts of kindness. For example, your little can give thank-you notes to trash collectors and crossing guards and/or help a neighbor carry their groceries. Doing Good Together has a 30 Days of Kindness Challenge and dozens of great ideas.

9. Teach your child the importance of earning and giving

If your child earns an allowance, you can teach them the importance of giving early on by having them donate a certain percentage of their earnings to a cause that they find important.

10. Talk to your child about hunger and other social issues.

The folks at Feeding America tell SheKnows that it’s crucial to talk to kids about how hunger impacts families across the country. “Inspire them to take action,” a Feeding America spokesperson urges parents, “because everyone — even kids — can help.”

Feeding America offers a Family Action Plan with fun activities to help you raise the subject with your kids and get them involved. “Some easy ways to fight hunger as a family include starting a donation jar,” the spokesperson recommends, “learning about hunger by watching one of Feeding America’s videos … or even starting a family garden in the spring and donating the excess produce.”

11. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank.

If your child is a little older, show them the value in being of service to others by donating their time to helping feed hungry community members — by serving meals, helping in the kitchen, or distributing food. VolunteerMatch can help you find all kinds of volunteer opportunities near you.

A version of this story was originally published in November 2019.

When it’s too cold to go out — or maybe you just wish you lived in a place with snow — bring a little outside in with these gorgeous printable snowflake templates to transform your kid’s bedroom into their very own North Pole. From simple, understated designs even little kids can bust out, to more detailed, intricate designs for the older kids, children of all ages will love these easy snowflake printables to color or cut out. Tape them in the windows, hang them from the ceiling, make them into garlands, or hang them from your tree. These snowflakes won’t melt, or get up your sleeves and make you super cold and wet. Use regular printer paper to make normal-sized snowflakes, or up your blizzard game and make enormous flakes using rolls of paper or poster board.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

A version of this story was originally published in November 2019.

Another reason the holidays have been challenging for our family is that we are coping with various diagnoses — special needs — that can complicate even the most “merry and bright” holiday plans. Holiday light displays with blaring, synchronized Christmas music might be magical for some kids, while for others, they are a sensory storm. Kids with anxiety, ADHD, autism, sensory processing disorder, and other needs can have a very, very hard time during the holidays. (Don’t get me started on the lack of wheelchair or other mobile aide accessibility.)

While many of us enjoy the buffet of Christmas cookies, the thrill of a White Elephant gift exchange, or the hustle and bustle of shopping, other families simply cannot. Their kids cannot handle the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and textures that these “magical” experiences bring. Pair this with the lack of adequate sleep, off-routine meal times, too much sugar, and lots of running around, and the holidays can quickly go from a winter wonderland to The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I admit that there were times when I felt disheartened that I couldn’t give my family a “normal” holiday — you know, like one from a Hallmark movie. I wanted a gentle snowfall, hugs and hot cocoa with relatives, ugly Christmas sweaters, Santa photo shoots, and pleasant gift exchanges, where we patiently watch each other open gifts, one by one. I had to adapt my expectations and put up some serious boundaries. Once I learned to do this, our holidays became calmer.

Identify Your Child’s Triggers

Take some time to figure out what triggers your child. Is it certain sensory stimuli? It could be a particular environment — such as a house where relatives have several (barking and busy) dogs or the home is overcrowded and too warm. Maybe it’s the time of day that a holiday celebration is held, which coincides with (or gets way too close to) your child’s bedtime or dinnertime, or the event occurs just as their medication is wearing off. Identifying your child’s triggers will help you plan your holiday season. What has consistently caused your child to struggle in the past? Once you identify this, you can predict what’s bound to cause struggles in the future — and how to avoid them.

Figure Out What Helps

What tools or techniques help your child with their triggers? For example, my child with sensory issues easily becomes overwhelmed by loud noises. Noise cancelling headphones or ear buds playing their favorite music to save the day! Other tools can include a weighted blanket, chewing gum, a fidget toy. Sometimes, though, even these tools simply aren’t enough. Plan to keep your child well-fed, well-hydrated, and well-rested, even if this means saying no to certain events, arriving late, or only staying a short time. Comfort items can be helpful (like a favorite stuffed animal), as well as making sure your child is dressed in comfortable clothing. If you must take holiday photos, bring a cozy change of clothes for your child to put on right after. Likewise, outdoor time that allows for gross motor play can help a child stay regulated.

Say What Your Family Needs — Without Apology

You don’t need to apologize for meeting your child’s needs. In fact, happy kids, happy parents — and thus, happier events. Don’t let anyone guilt-trip you. You’ll regret it! Simply state what’s going to work for your family, and then stick to it. Even though traditions can be fun and nostalgic (think late night mass), if it’s going to result in a major meltdown, it’s not worth it. Don’t force your child to engage with relatives — especially those they rarely see — including sit at a noisy dinner table or in the living room unwrapping gifts for hours. If necessary and possible, maybe one parent attends with some of the kids while the other keeps the child with needs at home — with a holiday movie, pajamas, and a snack.

Prepare Your Child

Visual schedules or checklists are very helpful for kids who need predictability. You can also come up with a code word for kids who may either need a break during a holiday event or absolutely need to leave. When you arrive at your holiday gathering, take some time to establish a quiet space (one you’ve pre-arranged with the host) where your child can go if needed, such as a spare bedroom or hallway. Don’t wait for a problem and then brainstorm solutions. Be proactive. Empower your child to have a say in how their time will be spent, and what helps them feel safe and calm.

Consider Alternatives

Your child shouldn’t be obligated to attend every holiday event that interests you — particularly if that event, no matter how prepared you are, is going to cause a spiral. Decide if it would be better to get your child a babysitter, if you can skip some of the less important events altogether, or get a hotel room instead of staying with relatives in their home. Ask yourself what’s going to be best for the whole family so that everyone can enjoy the holiday season.

I have found that parents are the ones who have the hardest time letting go of “the way it’s always been.” I understand the disappointment that comes with unmet expectations of a magical holiday season — and the guilt some relatives can lay on you when you decide to forgo a traditional holiday gathering. However, with pre-planning, children with special needs and their families can have a lovely holiday — no matter what it looks like.