We are no strangers to baby names that sound beautiful but have unexpectedly dark meanings. We talk about it all the time, actually. The fact that Kennedy means “ugly head,” Mara means “bitter,” Mallory means “unlucky,” Lyssa can mean “rabies,” and so on (check out our entire list here!).
So we were instantly hooked when we saw a Reddit post titled, “What are names that would be so good if they didn’t mean what they meant?”
“Mine are Calorie, Vaseline, Nivea, Chlorine, and Felony,” the Redditor said.
How hilarious is that? We see what they mean. Nivea would make a beautiful name. But most people wouldn’t want to give their kid the same name as a skincare brand (although FYI, 21 baby girls were given the name Maybelline in 2022, per data from the U.S. Social Security Administration).
Redditors were quick to join in on this game, giving the most support to the person who suggested “Chlamydia.” Because yes, it sounds beautiful. But do you really want to name your kid after an STD? Talk about naming a kid “Chlamydia” actually comes up a lot on Reddit.
“This is my daughter Chlamydia, she has been itching to meet you.”
Another person suggested “Malaria” on the new post. And on it went. “Hockey.” “Vendetta.” “Arrhythmia.” “Arson.” “Vigilante.” “Geneva (conventions).”
Yeah, those are tough. “Arson” would be really cute if it didn’t mean purposely setting a property on fire. And think of all the kids who would make the same dumb joke about if “Hockey” played the sport they’re named after?
This isn’t the first time Redditors have had this discussion. Seven years ago, a Redditor asked a similar question and said, “I think Lucifer is a pretty cool name but I’d obviously never name a child after the devil.”
People got just as invested, and the top name in the comments was “Isis.” There was also a lot of talk about “Jezebel.”
“Benito is a cool name, but I feel like Mussolini ruined it.”
It has also popped up on TikTok, with people pitching “Absinthe,” “Irony,” “Labia,” “Psoriasis,” “Eulogy,” and more.
And within the SheKnows offices, an informal poll came up with Vegan, Lanai, and Zipper. Hey, if Rihanna could use Riot, which obviously doesn’t have the most positive connotations, none of these are out of the realm of possibility!
All this said — as we’ve pointed out time and time again — you get to choose your baby’s name no matter what it means or what other people think. Unless you’re going with Cheelee, of course.
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